God, making us in his image, after his likeness, gave us certain relationship-shaped voids which need to be filled with love. There is the God-sized and -shaped void that only he and his love can fill (one can wonder if God has us-sized and -shaped voids that only we and our love can fill). There are voids that are sized and shaped like our mother or father. Regardless of whether one or both of those positions is presently occupied, we still have those voids. If we have siblings, we may have brother- or sister-shaped voids. Even if we don't have siblings, we may have desires for them, which will create those voids.
God is the only one who can fill all of our voids, no matter their size and shape. He said he would be the father to the fatherless and the husband to the widow (whether he also is the wife to the widower and the mother to the motherless, I am uncertain, but I would presume he could very well fill those voids, too, based on a scripture passage I will shortly share). Even though we may have family-shaped voids, Jesus ("God in a bod") did say, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26, ESV).
While we are to honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16), we are to hate them if we desire to serve God. There can be no one or no thing in his way. We are also to hate ourselves. Jesus tells us that for him to be our "all," all of our voids, even our "me-sized-void," need to be filled by him. If we come to him, yet continue to put anyone or anything in the voids he intended to fill, he will show us his God-sized jealousy and eliminate, somehow, that which occupies the voids he intended to fill. It would certainly hurt us and God a lot less if we simply invited him in to fill our voids, having first emptied them.
However, many of us don't realize we need to empty those voids until we are met by the one ultimately intended to fill them: Jesus said, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me" (Revelation 3:20, ESV). We don't even have to go out searching for God. We just have to go to the door of our heart and open it. But what happens when he finds no room inside? What if we have filled even his God-sized void with something not of God? God forbid we've done so, as that would be idolatry.
But many times we border on or outright commit idolatry without even realizing we do so. If God knocks, and we open the door, there may be some need to rearrange or remove the furniture, or even some guests, especially if they're occupying his assigned space. Whether that rearranging or removing requires a wheel barrow or a U-Haul or a fleet of U-Hauls is of no matter to God. What matters is that he will help us make room when we are ready to part with that which already fills us up. Then, he will fill us up until we are able to say to him and him to us, "Mi casa es su casa (formal)," or even better, "Mi casa es tu casa (familiar)."
While I understand voids well, most of my life I have tried to substitute something or someone "not-God" for a void emptied by the original person who filled it. My mom and brother overtly rejected and abandoned me by walking away, while my dad and daughter covertly rejected and abandoned me by dying. Feeling the need for a mom and dad and brother and daughter, I have sought out and unsuccessfully attempted to fill those voids with other human beings. While I have come to the realization that God wants to fill those voids for me, I still get frustrated with those human beings I've tried to use as substitutions, feeling overtly or covertly rejected by, and, in turn, unloved by them.
Yet God wants to be my all. He wants to look in me and see him. He wants to see every void of mine filled by his presence, to the point I am void of voids. He wants the same for you. I might be better off than you, because all of my original void-fillers have already removed themselves or been removed. But until I stop trying to fill my voids with "not-God" surrogates, I will continue to feel unloved.
The love I need--we all need--is God's. Once we have God's love, we can give God's love. God's love overflows without ever needing replenishing. Our love empties and can only be replenished by God's love. Our love is limited and finite. God's love is abundant and infinite. We can exhaust our resources, should we attempt to give from them, and become burnt out. Yet God's love never burns out.
I realize this now, having exhausted many people of their resources. I am sorry it took so long for me to figure this out, and even longer to apply it. If you are reading this blog, and are one of the human beings my void-filling attempts have exhausted, please do accept my sincere apology. And, should I exhibit a poor memory and begin to look to you, again, to fill my voids, please do gently remind me that you can't, but God can. And if he can do it for me, he can also do it for you.
